How I felt the first time I had sex after giving birth

I had many medical appointments in the first few weeks after my baby was born, so it was easy to bring up my concerns about sex one-on-one with my doctor during my regular check-ins. I asked her about the pain I felt and how it didn’t reach me, like, “Is this something I should be worried about?” He reassured me that this was normal and normal, but he gave no indication as to how or why sex hurt so much. She is one of the best obstetrician-gynecologists in Los Angeles, but her approach was very clinical. There wasn’t a lot of, “Oh, I know how you feel!” The guidance I got was this: Use some lube, and if sex continues to hurt, let’s get you checked. (I’m not sure what she wanted to test, but hormonal changes and complications from childbirth, for example, can harm sex.) This was absolutely true.

After that, I was thinking about the pain a bit – I knew I had to relax, get completely in sync, and be super comfortable next time. Again, there was never any pressure from my husband, and no plans to try to have sex again, but one day the mood struck. There wasn’t much conversation at that point, but he asked me briefly if I felt ready, and I said, “Yes, let’s do it—let’s try.” This time we used coconut oil as a lubricant, which definitely reduced the pain. It still hurt, but sliding into the mix was a game changer. we did not use lubrication This was before I was pregnant, so I didn’t think of using it right away, but it did reduce friction.

It still took some time for the pain during sex to go away completely – my nerves also played a role. It’s like getting a bullet in your arm: You anticipate it’s going to be really painful, so you tense up. After some more time that fear went away, at that point it felt like our bodies fit together and sex started feeling good again.

After crossing that line, it was like, “Oh, we made it!” But it is not that our sex life was restored immediately. This began a long journey of having sex regularly, which, for us, looks like spontaneous sex on an almost weekly basis and in many ways. positions, At first, there was a little lull — we were doing it once a month — because I was dealing with the long list of things you think about when you become a mom. You keep saying, “Okay, okay it The time my baby needs a nap it The time at which they need to be fed, and the time at which it Time, I need to do this! and this! And this!” It’s hard to break out of that constant logical thinking. It’s like your brain is wired differently.

There was a lot going on physically too. Like: You’ve had a baby inside your body for the last nine months and now they’re always on top of you – whether you’re feeding them or they’re sleeping on top of you. That phrase “touched” is very real. You may get to the point where you want everything else to go away – you’re giving so much of yourself to your child, and it can be difficult to make room for anything else, including sex.