Because my inner life is normal and I have a healthy relationship with sports, after watching the Yankees lose in Game 2 of the ALDS on Monday night, I went to sleep and immediately had a dream in which I was watching the Yankees lose in Game 2 of the ALDS. Was watching. But there was something strange about this dream game: It was very similar to the real game, and I knew the outcome of every pitch and every at-bat before it happened. What if I was doomed to watch the Royals always lose and sink again and again on their way to victory?
Thankfully I woke up, but the fantasy stuck with me until there was only one way to forget about it: turn it into a blog.
You are stuck in 24 hours, Groundhog Day-Style time loop, which resets upon completion of a given sporting event. You retain all your memories from each loop; No one else does. The only way to escape the loop is to reverse the outcome of the game. You are not allowed to use violence, or threaten violence. That means you can’t make bomb threats, you can’t extort money from them, and you can’t hit the other team’s star player in the head with a wrench. How are you making sure your team wins?
My first instinct is to interrupt the game at exactly the right moment – buy a ticket and run onto the field right before the crucial moment that affects the game. There are some problems in this plan. First of all, most sports are not limited to a single game. If my basketball team loses by 20, maybe I can foul the opponent’s three, but then I’m getting kicked out of the building and that’s not changing the outcome. My chances are better in a relatively low-event baseball or hockey game, although I don’t care about my chances of being able to get on the glass afterward. (With the time loop, I can work on my upper body strength.) Second, there’s no guarantee that even if I stop the game, things will play out differently when I restart. Maybe the man who was supposed to give RBI the double whammy is still killing it. Maybe that’s Homer! Maybe, by trying to change things, I’ll make them worse! imagine the most boring Twilight Zone The episode so far has seen Cole Ragans go seven strong.
Another, seemingly surefire option is to use the knowledge gained in the time loop against the winning team: I know they’re going to call every play, every pitch they’re going to throw. But how do I implement this? How do I find the coach of the team that lost in just one day, how do I deal with him and befriend him, and how do I convince him that I know everything that is going to happen? Won’t they think I’m crazy? Even if I am somehow able to get my point across to the coach’s ear and change the game plan, won’t the other team’s decisions necessarily change based on early results? Sure, maybe my guys hit a lead-off home run on that first-pitch four-seamer, but wouldn’t he stop throwing it? When he jerks, all my study time goes in vain.
Lauren says I should use the time loop to lure out the opposing star player and convince them to throw the game. I am not sure I would be able to complete it successfully even if given infinite chances.
This is a real puzzle. How are you avoiding the time loop?