Monday was Kirk Cousins’ birthday, which meant he got to control the music at Falcons practice. It’s the most dad rock playlist you could imagine, with the most recent song dating back to 2013, and most of those bangers from the early 2000s.
My cousin and I have a lot in common. We’re both fathers. We’re both in our 30s. We both have a tendency to raise expectations only to disappoint people. I think that makes me worthy of Kirk’s ranking.
Number 1: Mr. Brightside – The Killers
If you don’t like Mr Brightside, you can’t be trusted. Sure, it’s overplayed at this point – but it’s a certified banger. This bar-closing-turned-British-soccer-anthem song is a perfect mix of lows and highs, combining a fast pace with lyrics that address jealousy and paranoia. It’s easily the best on this list.
Number 2: Best Of You – Foo Fighters
It’s a great song, but to me it’s a B-tier Foo Fighters song. It’s a testament to how good the Foo Fighters are that a B-tier song still ranks at No. 2 on this list. If Cousins had picked “Everlong” as his choice from the band it would have been higher by a mile. Ultimately, “Best of You” is the most generic form of Foo Fighters, which isn’t bad, it’s just not special.
Episode 3: Stacy’s Mom – Fountains of Wayne
This is one of those songs that is so fun to listen to and sing along to – just don’t spend too much time trying to figure out the lyrics because they are pretty scary. Basically, the song is about befriending Stacey, seducing her mom, and becoming her new dad. Just keep dancing and don’t think too much about it.
No. 4: All the Small Things – Blink-182
It’s a really great song that I never regret listening to, but I think it’s another case where there are many other Blink-182 songs that are better suited for inclusion. This was the band’s big commercial hit, and it’s written and played like a song written for commercial effect. It’s lifeless from a band that can be surprisingly deep. Still a top 5 on the list.
Number 5: Holiday – Green Day
I find it very hard to appreciate Green Day after 2000. I know the whole “American Idiot” album is loved, but this is where they went from being a very pure punk rock band to a new level In fact Leaning on pop punk’s earworms made for radio. What Green Day regrets most is that “Dookie” was such a great album that their discography went downhill from then on.
Number 6: The Anthem – Good Charlotte
I’ve probably listened to this song more than any other song on this list, for one reason: Madden 03. It was all over the soundtrack and although I didn’t like it the first time I heard it, it really grew on me over the years. I absolutely understand why people love this song.
Episode 7: Somebody Told Me – The Killers
The Killers’ second song on the list, and it’s good! There’s nothing in Somebody Told Me that makes it great or bad. It’s just a solid, middle-of-the-road song that’s well worth the number 7 spot.
Number 8: Ocean Avenue — Yellowcard
Another song that’s already on the Madden soundtrack, Ocean Avenue is a pure summer jam. It’s the kind of song that makes you want to take the roof off the Jeep, grab a cold drink, and drive to the beach. It’s simply enjoyable, and I’m here for it.
Number 9: Stereo Hearts – Gym Class Heroes ft. Adam Levine
This song was Everywhere Circa 2013, over-saturation pushes it down the list. This is why I like that it’s here: I like to imagine that Kirk Cousins was thinking to himself “I need to put some hip hop on my playlist for the boys” and this was the best he could think of.
Number 10: Kryptonite – 3 Doors Down
I don’t know if there’s any band with as big a discography as 3 Doors Down that still sounds like a one-hit-wonder. Kryptonite is a pretty great song, but every time I hear it I really can’t help but think that they’re saying “Would you call me Superman if I ate Raisin Bran.”
Episode 11: The Middle – Jimmy Eat World
Hey, don’t write this song yet. Look, this GoodIts GoodI don’t think it’s a great song, but it works for its intended purpose of being an upbeat exercise rock song.
Episode 12: Dirty Little Secret – The All-American Rejects
I don’t care about the All-American Rejects. They seem like a band that was formed to copy 20 other bands in hopes of becoming famous, and they succeeded. I’m really surprised I’m ranking this song so high.
Episode 13: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous – Good Charlotte
It’s a mediocre song. I have nothing more to say about it.
Number 14: Sugar, We’re Goin Down – Fall Out Boy
This is a song I’m somewhat inclined to authorship, since I don’t like Fall Out Boy at all. They helped start an entire era of butt-tear pop punk, and I can’t forgive them for that.
Episode 15: Go Ahead – The All-American Rejects
This is another absolutely useless song from an absolutely mediocre band. It’s a pretty crappy-average song that doesn’t evoke any emotion in me.
No. 16: Dear Maria, Count Me In – The Lowest Ever
All Time Low started out as a Blink-182 cover band, and that’s obvious. There’s nothing unique or special about their music, or even memorable. It’s music I’d pick over anything on this list.
Number 17: This Love – Maroon 5
The only acceptable Maroon 5 song to listen to. Still Maroon 5.
Kirk Cousins’ playlist is actually better than I expected
I appreciate that Kirk picked his favorite music without trying to sound cool, because this is a pretty obviously uncool dad-centric track list. There’s a little too much pop punk for my liking, and it results in a list that’s pretty one-note, but it’s a lot better than I would have expected if you’d told me Kirk Cousins had made a playlist.
I give it a solid B –